Forever Thought

Busy Busy. Is how our days go.

Vroom Vroom. The cars go racing by.

Tick Tock goes the time on the clock.

Rush Rush. The people of the world.

Money Money. Consumes our thought. 

Luxury Bliss is what the people seek. 

Busy Busy. Losses years.

Vroom Vroom. Kills our earth.

Tick Tock is our lock.

Rush Rush. You lose yourself.

Money Money. Causes greed.

Luxury Bliss is the forever dream. 

!!!!! MAIL !!!!!

BEST MAIL CALL EVER. CAME HOME TO THE BEST PACKAGE OF MAIL EVER THIS MONTH. HAHAHA BECAUSE THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING GOOD EVERY MONTH. BUT THIS MONTH IS PRETTY DAMN GOOD I GOT MY PHLEBOTOMY LICENSE AND CERTIFICATE!!!!! BEST THING EVER AND ALSO THIS WEEK MY SON'S COSTUME HAS COME IN THE MAIL SO HAS MINE. HOWEVER, UNLIKE MINE THAT I AM CUTTING AND SEWING TO READJUST IT TO ME HIS FITS PERFECT. NOW TO GO GET SOME SWORDS.

EMAIL

Got the most incredible email this week, most exciting thing this week. I got an email from CDPH and they approved me !!!! They are approving me for my Phlebotomy Technician 1 License!!!! I am an official Phlebotomist I am a CPT1 !!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!! Super excited, I spent this week approving and updating my resume with the help of my friend Dannica and my husbands mom with perfecting it. Thanks to Cesar's mom who is a Nurse and knows what the medical field seeks in a resume helped perfected my resume. Super stoked  I am going to start applying to laboratories this week I can not contain my over flowing excitement!

Lets see what tomorrow brings. And where I am going to apply to. Maybe I should so my homework first before i start applying tomorrow.

You

You

Here I Lay Dying Within.

Asphyxiating On My Own Sorrow.

How Pathetic Is That?

I Wouldn't Be Dying Had You Not Given Me This Heart.

This Heart Of Feeling.

This Object Of Emotion.

Why Give Me This Heart And Tell Me Not To Feel

I Feel Love For You.

I Long For You

But, I Feel Pain By You.

I Feel Sorrow Because of You.

You Say I Must Not Feel.

But I Do Feel.

Why Do I Feel?

I Have Never Felt Before.

It's Because Of You I Feel This Way.

Because Of You I Feel Pain.

Because Of You I Feel Sorrow.

But You Also Make Me Feel Love.

And You Make Me Feel Bliss

Here I Lay Dying Inside.

Drowning In My Own Pain.

How Sad Is That?

Why Do You Do This To Me?

You Tell Me You Love Me.

You Tell Me You Care.

But, You Lie To Me All Over Again.

And, You Hurt Me Over and Over Again.

You Tell Me I Must Only feel Love For You.

I Do Feel Love For You.

You Tell Me I Can Not Feel Sadness Because Of You.

But, I Am Sad Because Of You.

I Never Felt Before I Meet You.

Why Give Me This Heart And Not Let Me Feel?

I Feel Love For You, That Is Ok.

I Long For You, That Is Ok.

But, I Feel Pain By You, That Is Not Ok.

I Feel Sorrow Because Of You, That Is Not Ok.

I Would Not Be Dying If I Did Not Have This Heart.

This Heart Full Of Feeling.

This Heart Over Whelming With Emotion.

Here I Lay Dying Within.

Asphyxiating On My Sorrow.

How Pathetic Is That?

Last Time?

Last Time?

Was that to be our last time together?

Was it to be as horrible as it was?

Are we never to love each other again? 

Our broken hearts seek for its completed self.

Yet our broken promises separate the distance between us.

Your words stop my heart with the deadly venom they hold.

Even now as I am dying you have a smile in your eyes.

Was that to be our last moment together?

Was there nothing more for us?

Will it still hurt for years to come? 

Spiteful feelings pouring across the open distance.

Our love shattered by blows.

Your heating strikes stop me in my tracks, till I hit the floor. 

As I suffer by your hands you grin with pleasure.

Was this our destiny? 

Was this nothing we could avoid?

Is this all that is left?

Broken promises, feelings, and hearts.

Nothing but pain, agony, and remorse.

Only bruises, scars, and tears to mark the years.

Was there nothing to this love?

Only two hollow shells remain.

They do nothing but sulk in their pain.

Yet there is only one joy to this tragedy.

A joy to a sad love song?

Oh yes in deed.

A baby boy cute as can be.

The only great joy that came from this love tragedy.

Was this the last joy we were to share?

June 8

My lovely son just learned to walk he took his first steps!!!! This is super exciting!!!! I AM SUCH A HAPPY AND PROUD MOMMY!!!!!! Ugh he is growing up so fast :'( my little baby boy. This times are going so quick why I never really believed they would.

First Day

Today was my first day starting my phlebotomy clinical yeah i got all of my draws except two :( one patient I could not find the vein and another the blood stopped after 3 tubes. My trainer Kerry said I am good because I get my draws and I am not nervous so I do not make the patients nervous which is good. I just need to make sure the needle is absolutely still always and that I need to speed it up because I am slow. I agree I am super slow. She draws one patient on three minutes and took me fifteen :( i am 5x slower so got to speed it up. Lets see I went to bed at 12:30 am then woke at 2:30 am got ready arived at 4 am started at 5 am ended at 7:30 am got home at 9 am soooo tired. I just want to go to sleep now I have a doctors appointment at 2pm lets see if I can sleep. So Xander let mama sleep.

For Colored Girls

Was a nice little play production in the Lyric Theater in Hollywood. Nice small play production was pretty fucking confused because the girls were playing so many different parts and characters on the main characters I was so lost. But other then that was pretty good not so much of play but more of a blow by blow talking the whole time which started to give me a head ache and really hot in the small place. But was interesting to see all the women play so many different roles in the play. After it had fun getting lost in Hollywood looking for an in-and-out but went to a tacobell /pizza hut. Got lost leaving Hollywood trying to get back but in the process of the whole night got to go past HIGH VOLTAGE which is Kat Van D's tattoo shop which was closed :"( but its okay was awesome anyways all the 5 times we passed it. So wanted to go in and see and meet her if she was there. Woop Woop a great first night out without Xander or Cesar which was depressing but nice had fun with Sunny and Ana all night. Now home backing my brothers birthday cake well at least half of it. Ugh long day and night and soon to be morning I needs some sleep. Night World!!

Yesh

This week I have put Xander an a schedule and yesh it has been working!!! He is now going to sleep at 10 pm -11 pm YEAHHHHHH. Now I get about an hour or two to do homework. I need more time for homework but I think I will get there soon since he is getting bigger. Or it might just get worse and get no time since he is everywhere and getting into everything crazy baby boy. But I love him. I can not wait till I hit the bed with him in about an hour or two. Or maybe not I am sickly tired I just might join him in slumberland now. Well I guess I can always do my sociology homework tomorrow. Thank you Xander for following a schedule and loving me and letting me sleep. So I am going to take advantage and go to sleep night world of chaos.

Caged Bird

Saturday afternoon *sigh* feels like depression has struck my body into doing or feeling nothing but pain and sadness this great day like a buffalo in a field being struck down with spears by the natives. We just want to get away, be free, and stop these feelings of pain and helplessness. People always wanna be free like a bird or butterfly but no one is ever free. I fairly learned that when being confined to a pale white room, with bared windows, and orderlies checking on you every 5-10 minutes. And after a week I finished my poem I could not finish because it never felt right and this is what I came up with in the end to finish my poem.

Caged Bird

Trapped in this world and life with no way out.

We're just in a cage, within a cage, within a cage ect.

All we are, are caged birds with no way out.

And just like a bird we sing our own song.

We might look the same and be the same ethnicity but we are all different.

Like birds they might be the same species and look the same but they are all different.

Why do some birds get to be out of the cage and some have to be locked in one?

But none the less everything is caged in. Nothing and no one is free.

Some birds are happy in their cage and some aren't.

Even the so called free bird isn't free.

They can be happy or sad same as the caged bird.

No matter who or what you are happy, sad or angry; everyone is a caged bird.

From the Raven to the Dove, the Elephant to the Bear, the Human to Animal to Insect.

We are all caged in; like a caged bird.

We are like birds with our own beautiful song sad, happy, or angry.

Why do we live just to be caged in?

Trapped in this world and life with no way out.

We're just in a cage, within a cage, within a cage ect.

All we are, are caged birds with no way out.